Take Care of Yourself First

Being there for others is an admirable trait to have, but occasionally it may harm you more than it helps. You have to take care of yourself first.

I’ve always been the kind of person who helps when I get the chance. That’s one thing I’ve always loved about myself, but recently I’ve noticed a change in me. I no longer want to help all the time. I was alarmed when I noticed the change, so I took some time to analyze what the difference might stem from. I realized quickly that I was exhausted.

That exhaustion was caused by my willingness to do anything anyone asked me to do. I hate seeing people struggling, especially when I know I can do something to make it easier for them, but what I didn’t realize was every time I did that, I fell behind in something in my own life. Most of the time this happened to me while I was at work. Someone would be struggling to find someone to cover their shift, and I’d agree because I didn’t like seeing them so concerned and stressed out. That doesn’t sound bad, but when I took those extra shifts, I didn’t leave enough time to study, sleep, or work on homework. I sacrificed my grades so someone could go home from work early.

It took me a long time to learn to say no and stick with it. I love making people happy, and I used to be a people pleaser.  

I’ve finally found a way to focus on myself first. I still like helping people, but now I’ve learned that I need to take the time to evaluate the consequences of my actions. A drowning man can’t save someone else from drowning, so I don’t believe sacrificing my success to lift someone up will help me or them. I’ll just end up dragging them down with me in the end.

Trying to be a Positive Deviant

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We were presented with a challenge this week: using Atul Gawande’s suggestions for becoming positive deviants. The five options were, don’t complain, write something, count something, change, and ask an unscripted question. I chose to avoid complaining. Complaining is something I’ve always done that I don’t like, so I thought this would be good practice for me.

My hypothesis is giving up complaining will help me have a more positive outlook, and I will go into things expecting better endings. I’m excited to try this and see if it helps me become more positive.

I decided to try to make a tally every time I complained this week. At the end of each day, I noticed the total and reflected on how I had felt all day. I decided to measure the effects of giving up complaining this way because I thought it would be easy. It didn’t turn out to be as easy as I had thought though. I definitely forgot to mark some of the times I complained, and when I was at work, I had no way to mark my complaints. Those two constraints skewed my data, so my numbers are not completely accurate.

Day Number of Complaints How I Felt at the End of the Day
Tuesday 3 Happy
Wednesday 2 Happy
Thursday 5 Happy
Friday 15 Stressed/Annoyed
Saturday 21 Stressed/content

At the beginning of this experiment, everything was going well. I was paying attention to my words, and when I felt like complaining I was able to stop myself in most cases. As it went on, however, I lost control of myself. I believe a large reason I complained more over the weekend was because I was around people who were also complaining, and I just joined in.

On Tuesday and Wednesday, I was on a short trip to St. Louis, so I didn’t really have anything to complain about except the long drive. Since I was with friends having fun, I was able to control myself and stop myself from complaining. On Thursday I was very tired from traveling back home (we got home at 4:30am), which made me a little bit more irritable, but I was still able to stay in control, and it kept me happy. Friday started out well, but everything went downhill when I got to work. As a manager, I have to deal with all the problems from customers and employees. We were understaffed and it put a lot of pressure on me. My boss came over and complained to me about a couple things, and I noticed myself joining her. Later that night our printer broke, and I complained about that as well. I ended up in a terrible mood at the end of the day, and I’m not sure if my mood was caused by the complaining or the stress at work. Saturday was much worse than Friday. My shift started with two employees not showing up and angry customers because their food wasn’t arriving on time. When you work in a pizza restaurant that emphasizes deliveries, getting orders to customers on time is a huge priority. We only had four drivers and three crew members, and we were much busier than Friday night. We were all under a lot of pressure and that made everyone complain (at this point I gave up on my goal of not complaining). I was at work cleaning until 2:00am, but I was actually in a better mood at that point. A friend of mine who works with me agreed to come in and help me and the closing driver clean the store. He put me in a much better mood and made cleaning up kind of fun. Although I was stressed out, I wasn’t in a bad mood when I went to bed that night.

This experiment didn’t yield the results I was expecting. I think that is just because I didn’t try hard enough, and I gave up on the last day. If I had done this longer, the results would be easier to see. I think I’m going to try this experiment again at a later time and give myself more time. It was a fun challenge, but I don’t see any definite correlations between how much I complain and how my mood is. It makes sense to me that if I complain less, I’ll be happier, but this test was inconclusive.

Orchestra Culture

We had a cultural event project where my discourse class was split into groups, and everyone attended a cultural event. In each group, we decided what kind of events we would attend and whether we would all attend the same event. My group decided to go to the UMKC Conservatory Orchestra’s Ensemble Series on February 9, 2017. We chose to attend this event because it was on campus, and as we’re all broke college students, it made sense to attend a free event. I, for one, love music, so I was excited to go to a free orchestra concert.

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Going into the James C. Olson Performing Arts Center’s White Recital Hall, I was surprised at how small the room was. I had never actually been to an orchestra concert before, so I expected the room to be much larger. I love music, but I’ve never been a big fan of classical music, so I was expecting the performance to be a little boring. Most of the classical music I’ve listened to has been slow, and put me to sleep.

 

We arrived at the Performing Arts Center early and waited in the lobby for the roods to open. Everyone kept to themselves as the excitement for the performance grew. When the doors opened, we entered the warm and inviting atmosphere in the White Recital Hall. My group found a row large enough to sit together, and the lights dimmed so the performance could begin. The musicians on stage began by tuning their instruments, and then the concert master for the first half of the performance, Samuel Huang, entered joined the other musicians on stage. He was welcomed with applause, as was the conductor, Robert Olson, who entered after him. Mr. Olson introduced the flow of the evening, and the concert was kicked off by Sensemayá by Silvestre Revueltas. The seven-minute piece connected us to the ritualistic practices of the Maya civilization with its chaotic rhythms.

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Next, a vocalist, Laurel Weir, joined the orchestra on stage for the four-piece ensemble, Vier Letzte Lieder by Richard Strauss. The piece was gorgeous and entrancing. I was captivated by the beauty of the music. It didn’t feel like I was sitting in a recital hall. I felt like a part of the music. After this roughly thirty-minute piece, there was a fifteen-minute intermission. During this break most of my group stayed together and talked about the first half of the performance. We didn’t really interact with anyone we didn’t know. The lights dimmed again, and the performers returned to the stage. The second concert master, Shupei Wang, entered along with Mr. Olson, and the final stage of the performance began. The last piece was Symphony No. 4 in E Minor by Johannes Brahms. The four-part ensemble began slowly and grew more dramatic with each piece. It was breathtaking.

 

This experience was different than I was expecting. The music was exciting, and I felt connected to it in a way I’ve never felt connected to music before. It wasn’t like simply enjoying a song on the radio. It was much more than that. I felt like I was transported the where and when the music was written. I was a part of the Mayan rituals in Sensemayá, I felt what Richard Strauss felt in Germany when he wrote Vier Letzte Lieder, and I was taken away by the emotion in Symphony No. 4. Overall, I had a fantastic time at this event. It showed me that we are all connected. We all feel things, and everyone’s feelings are valid, important, and not so different from my own feelings.

 

The orchestra that performed these pieces was the UMKC Conservatory Orchestra. It is led by Robert Olson and performs several times a year (info.umkc.edu). The vocalist, Laurel Weir, is an opera performer from Ohio who received a Master’s degree from the Cleveland Institute of Music. She made her opera debut in 2012 (Pamphlet).

 

Random Acts of Kindness

 

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This week we’re doing Random Acts of Kindness for our Discourse 200 class. I decided to give people shopping carts at the grocery store. Rather than quickly getting a cart for myself and continuing with my shopping, I got a cart out and gave it to the person waiting to get their own cart. This was a basic act of kindness, but I believed it could put a smile on someone’s face even if it didn’t affect them in a profound way.

My hypothesis:

               I believe handing out grocery carts will surprise and please people. They won’t expect me to get a cart for them rather than myself. I think they will thank me, but I don’t believe it will affect them in a large way. They will go on with their day and maybe even forget that it happened.

               I believe my acts of kindness will be responded to by surprise because most people are focused on their own lives and take the time to put others first, so they won’t expect me to put them first.

Methodology:

               I decided to complete my acts of kindness at Wal-Mart in the afternoon. Wal-Mart is a busy place, so I thought it was a good choice. I will be measuring how it makes me feel and whether I’m smiled at, thanked, or even if they refuse the basket.

Results:

               When I arrived at Wal-Mart and went in to the entrance, I was fortunate that there was someone else going in at the same time. I was first, so I could give her a cart. She seemed hesitant, but took the basket and thanked me. I was nervous going in to this project because I’m shy, and I don’t normally go out of my way to interact with strangers. This first attempt was successful, and I calmed down a little bit, but I didn’t feel different. I think it didn’t affect me as much as it could have because I was anxious.

               The second time I did this, I was considerably calmer. When I pulled a basket out for this woman, she reacted in a very similar way to the first woman. She smiled and thanked me. I was feeling pretty good at this point.

               The third and final time I gave someone else a cart, I was expecting to get a similar result. This time, however, the woman told me to go ahead and she got her own basket. I was surprised and disappointed.

Conclusion:

This project was, for the most part, a positive experience. My hypothesis seemed to be correct. Each woman was surprised, and the first two seemed pleased. This was a good experience for me. Prosocial behavior is something the world needs more of, and I think people should commit acts of kindness on a more regular basis. These acts can make someone’s day brighter, and there’s so much darkness in the world that we, as humans, need all the light we can get.

 

Welcome to my blog!

My name is Katie Schmidt. I am a student at UMKC in my second semester. I’m an accounting major, and I’m really looking forward to this semester. I spend most of my time either at work or school, so I don’t have much free time. When I do have time to myself I usually spend it with friends or with my family.

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